![]() ![]() That’s because with the exception of Stanley Tucci (as a weird Steve Jobs-like thing) shouting, ‘ALGORITHMS! MATH!’ complications like explanatory talky-talk never matter in any film by Michael Bay. “I wasn’t paying enough attention to the words people said or names or anything else that came from a mouth onscreen. Their fate at the end of the movie is priceless, but not as funny as when one character suddenly reveals an ability to fly that would have come in handy earlier.” Ah, you think, an origin story - but no, when the Dinobots appear, they’re in no apparent way linked, and even other Transformers are surprised when one turns into a T-rex. Transformers: Age of Extinction even starts out with a Prometheus-like flashback to prehistoric times that shows spaceships causing an early extinction event. For example, this installment has been heralded for including the arrival of the Dinobots, supersized Transformers who turn into dinosaurs instead of vehicles or appliances for … some reason, probably. ![]() “So many things are laughably out of the blue. Free your mind - or risk having it transformed into porridge.Īlso read: ‘Snowpiercer’ Reviews: Should Action Fans Consider This Limited Release Over ‘Transformers’ Dinobot Beasts? Forget trying to figure out who’s zapping whom and why. The kindest thing I can say about the script is that it’s incoherent … If you do see it, I suggest you savor each image on its own terms as a work of CGI art. Ehren Kruger is credited with the screenplay, and if I were him, I’d have gone with a pseudonym - say, Optimus Prime. “‘Transformers: Age of Extinction’ is nearly three %$^&%!!# hours, and they’re brain-freezing. He gave me a full-body beatdown. His weapon? ‘Transformers: Age of Extinction.'” Come quick! I barely escaped with my life. The perp? Michael Bay. “Hello, police? I’d like to report an assault. Where? Down at the MegaGigaGrandePlex, and it’s still going on. “The film suffers from the usual migraine-inducing editing that renders all of Bay’s cinematic output so singularly unwatchable. Even with all this cutting, ‘Age of Extinction’ lasts a posterior-punishing 165 minutes, which is a lot of time to spend watching Wahlberg give his most embarrassing performance since ‘The Happening,’ Peltz becoming another in the franchise’s series of pneumatic sex-doll heroines, and Stanley Tucci as a Steve Jobs type who yells things like ‘Algorithms! Math!’ at his underlings … It’s no doubt going to be good for business, but it’s yet another paper-cut on the soul of the movies.”Īlso read: Michael Bay on ‘Transformers’ Haters: ‘Let Them Hate, They’re Still Going to See the Movie’ Here are 10 brutal blurbs from critics bashing “Transformers: Age of Extinction.” ![]() See video: 60 Confused Seconds of Mark Wahlberg Before ‘Transformers: Age of Extinction’ (Video) With a measly 17 percent approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes, the fourth installment in the Paramount franchise directed by Michael Bay may go down as the “worst” one yet - at least, in the eyes of people who care about story, plot, character arcs and stuff like that.Īlso read: ‘Transformers: Age of Extinction’ Makes $8.7 Million in Evening Shows, Sets Chinese Midnight Recordīut if ticket sales for previous “Transformers” movies prove one thing, it’s that a surprisingly small population of moviegoers do actually care about stuff like that, so expect the majority of audiences to thoroughly enjoy Optimus Prime riding a robotic dinosaur around town to thwart the end of the human race.įor those who don’t plan on dishing out dozens of dollars to sit through the 166-minute CGI spectacle of cinematic destruction, there’s still a way you can enjoy it, and that’s by reading about why it’s as awful as you expect it to be. “Transformers: Age of Extinction” is set to destroy the box office this weekend, even as critics are destroying it in their reviews. ![]()
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